Thursday 3rd January 2013

3^rd January 2013

9:08

Oh God.  Oh God, oh God, oh God.  I was brushing my teeth with this new whitening toothpaste I made Mum buy, but then the brush slipped (it’s electric) so white toothpaste has sprayed all over my hair.

 

9:14

It’s not coming out.  I’ll get changed later, right now I’m having a not-quite-midlife crisis with the toothpaste thing.  If I live to 60 then I’m ¼ of the way through my life.  A first-quartile-life crisis.  Does that exist?  Or make sense?  The doorbell is ringing, it’s probably Mum back from the shops (I made her drive to Tesco to buy me some chewing gum – spearmint, if you’re interested).  Anyway, I won’t bother getting changed.  The Evil Ones aren’t that important. 

 

9:28

Oh God.  Oh God, oh God, oh God (again).  It wasn’t Mum, it was Temporarily Bob.  The Fit One.  His mum made him come round with brownies for us to be ‘neighbourly’.  He looked really fit too, wearing black jeans with a grey shirt and leather jacket.  I’m a vegetarian myself (ish.  Except for Friday to Sunday), but I wouldn’t go calling PETA on him for the leather.  For one thing, he’s fit and my future husband.  For another, his dad might arrest me.  Anyway, I took the brownies from him and put them in the kitchen (I also grabbed a hoody from the living room to cover the top half of my polka dot onesie).  When I got back to the door, he was just standing there looking gorgeous.  He stuck out his hand, introducing himself as ‘Drew Goddard from next door’.  I stared at his hand for a bit then realised I was meant to shake it (the hand.  By ‘shake it’ I do not mean that I was meant to start dancing).  I’m not being funny but his skin was really soft.  I said ‘hey, I’m Maci Lewis’.  At least, that’s what I should have said.  Instead, I babbled, ‘Maci hey Lewis am I’.  Dimwit.  He laughed politely and said he liked my name.  I like his name too, particularly his surname (because it will one day be my surname too, so I have to like it, not that I told him that). 

For some reason (probably because some of JJ’s idiocy has rubbed off on me) I then replied, ‘thanks, can I call you Andy?’  It just slipped out.  Still, I should be thankful I didn’t ask to call him Temporarily Bob.  That would have raised a few eyebrows, I reckon.  He looked quite confused.  He just answered ‘nah, Drew’s fine.  I have a sister called Andy, short for Andrea, but she moved back to Oxford for college.’  Awkward.  But ooh, ooh, conversation opportunity.

‘You lived in Oxford?’

He nodded.  ‘Yeah, we move a lot because of Mum’s job.  We’ve been all over – Devon, Somerset, Oxford.  We were in Brighton last.’

‘I like Brighton,’ I smiled, even though I’ve never been there.  But that’s where Rizzle Kicks are from, so I probably would like it.

He grinned wistfully.  ‘Yeah, my little brother Noah loved it there.  He’s four.’

‘Aww, sweet,’ I cooed, thinking back to when Miki (pronounced Mickey) was that age and was too young to insult me.  Don’t ask about our names, by the way – it’s like my parents have some sort of aversion to normal names.  They’ve always liked four-letter names and the letter ‘i’. 

‘Have you got siblings?’ he asked.  I nodded and rolled my eyes, attempting to look cool despite my toothpaste hair and spotty onesie. 

‘Miki’s five years younger.’  I felt so clever – not for calculating the age gap, I could count to five anyway, thank you very much – because I’ve told Drew the age gap but given him the opportunity to ask about my age.

‘How old are you?’  Yesss!

‘Turned fifteen in December,’ I answered, nodding wisely.  ‘You?’

‘I’m sixteen in February.’  No!  He’s in the year above.  In this area, varied year-group hook-ups are rare.  Damn.  ‘Going to The Phillip Wright Secondary School for Boys and Girls’ he recited.  This is brilliant, my luck is changing:  we’re at the same school!

‘Ah, we just call it Phil’s Prison.’  Which is 100% true, but he seemed to think I was making a joke.  Which I wasn’t – most of the teachers just call it ‘Prison’ or ‘That Place’ or ‘Place of Work’ which can be cool because then you can shorten it to ‘POW!’ like a superhero. 

 

10:17

He has added me on Facebook!  Chuffed!  Now it’s only a matter of time before he proposes…

 

10:19

What should I do?  I was going to accept, but it might be obvious if I do it immediately that I think he is fit.  I’ll have to put it off, delay it for a while, a bit like screening. 

 

10:20

It’s been one minute.  Has it been long enough?

 

10:21

Now?

 

10:23

I’ll put him out of his misery in a second.

 

10:27

Couldn’t do it.  Remembered that I posted a link to this blog in a Facebook status.  If he reads this I will die.  A) because Drew the Fit King has read the blog and B) because he would be reading everything I have ever vented about him.  Which, over the course of 2 days, is actually quite a lot.  He’ll know that the piece of denim that his dog brought home was torn from my jeans.  What will I do then?

 

11:07

I was going to tell Kat and JJ about this, get their opinions on what to do, but what if they add him before me?  Then they chat and fall in love and…I can’t.  I refuse.

 

11:11

It’s 11:11!  Make a wish!

 

11:12

Wished for Drew Goddard to be eternally mine.  Technically, I haven’t told anyone about this wish, therefore it must come true.  Hahaha.

 

11:37

I’m a genius.  I’m going to post loads of random crap so my most recent posts will be random crap, not links to my blog.

 

11:51

Have written 26 posts, each containing one letter of the alphabet, then I posted all the multiples of 5 between 1 and 1000.

 

11:56

Oh God.  He’ll read my posts and think I’m a freak that does maths and alphabet-recitals in my free time.  I don’t, honest.

 

12:08

Oh dear.  I’ve just found the ‘delete post’ button on Facebook.  Deleted all of the blog links, now I just need to clear the alphabet and multiples of 5.

 

12:47

Last one.

 

12:53

Writing this into my calendar diary thingy.  At 12:53pm on Thursday 3^rd January 2013, The Fit One has been added.

 

12:55

He’s not online.  Well this is disappointing.

 

12:56

I suppose I’ll have to cyberstalk him then.

 

13:00

He has 396 friends on FB.  He also has 296 photos, but only 23 have him in.  He is very photogenic.  Hehe.  His profile picture is so cute, it’s him with Noah.  At least, I hope it’s Noah otherwise he’s put a random kid on Facebook.  Oh, he likes Kids in Glass Houses…hello, Google.

 

13:14

Not bad.  I also discovered he likes Halestorm (I like Halestorm), Bowling For Soup (I like Bowling For Soup) and The Midnight Beast (love!  Ashley Horne, you are PHWOAR!  But don’t tell Mum, she thinks you’re ‘inappropriate’). 

 

13:17

Fangirling over my One Direction and The Wanted posters.

 

13:22

What’s this?  No!  Back in May he posted ‘Don’t understand the obsession with boybands these days.  They’re just idiots with good hair’.  Goodbye 1D poster.  Farewell, Nathan Sykes.  At least he complimented your hair.

 

13:43

Must…stop…stalking.

 

14:11

Mrs Maci Mae Priya Goddard.  Yes, I like that.  It has a nice ring to it.

 

14:20

Wonder if he has a middle name?

 

14:29

I don’t believe it.  Drew Rhydian Ashley Goddard.  D.R.A.G!  Aha!  I shouldn’t laugh, he might be a transvestite, in which case I must support him with this life decision.  I will be there for you Drew, don’t you worry.  Rhydian!  Haha!  That’s the name of the guy that was on The X Factor a few years back that always wore fluffy clothes so he looked like the lovechild of a lion and a signet.  On the upside, he shares a name with the fittest member of The Midnight Beast.

 

15:00

Logged out of FB.

 

15:08

My phone is flashing blue?

 

15:16

It was a notification from Facebook!  Drew messaged me and asked if I could walk with him to school on Monday because I’m beautiful and he wants to marry me!  Joking.  How I wish it was true.  He DID however say that he might ask me to show him round as he gets lost very easily and doesn’t know anyone else here.  For me, this is a victory.  You know what they say:  first, corridor patrol with Temporarily Bob…er, The Fit One…I mean Drew, then marriage.  I reply ‘sure, that’s fine, see you Monday =)’  Wish I had been cooler in person, though…

 

15:47

Oh God.  Evil Policeman Goddard will be my father-in-law. 

 

16:18

Tired.  Having a nap.

 

16:36

Awake.  Had a nightmare where Evil Policeman chased me down the road and forced me to sign divorce papers because he was forcing Drew to marry Megan Fox.  Oh, forbidden love.  *sigh*

 

17:08

Just realised that Drew, Noah and Andy all have four-letter names.  Like me and Miki.  It is meant to be.  Maybe when we get married and settle down and whatnot (it WILL happen) our children can have eight-letter names.  Y’know, because four letters + four letters = eight letters?  Hmmm, I need to go and brainstorm eight-letter names now…