4th January 2013
Just woke up. I had the best dream where me and Drew got married and JJ and Kat were bridesmaids and they turned up to the wedding with binocular rings around their eyes. Apparently there is some sort of ancient Japanese legend that says that the first dream of the New Year will come true – this is my first dream of 2013 (unless you count the one yesterday about Evil Policeman and Megan Fox which I had in the afternoon when I was napping) which means it will come true. Even if the Megan Fox dream where I am forced to divorce Drew comes true, I cannot divorce him unless I marry him first. I have to tell JJ.
She texted back saying ‘hahahahaha yeah right’. I honestly do not know why I am friends with her.
She wants me to go to the hairdressing salon with her because last time she got her hair cut, it went really wrong. She looked like a man for six weeks until it grew out and then she looked like my grandmother. The one that gives me sherbet. She’s walking here for 13:30 and then Mum’s going to drive us into the High Street.
JJ’s here now, but my mother is being irritating. She came over, stared at my face and went ‘are you wearing makeup?’ No, I am not. Well, I might be. Yes, fine, I am, not that it is any of your business though, mother. I must look my best for my Future Husband, if you must know.
JJ started smirking when Mum mentioned how nice the new neighbours are. I pushed her into the Christmas tree.
Oh good. Mum has finally finished ranting about makeup and talking about the new neighbours and has told us to get into the car.
Kill me. Kill me now. We have been stuck in my mother’s miniscule Ford for the past quarter of an hour, trapped with her disastrous singing. ‘Beneath Your Beautiful’ by Labrinth and Emeli Sande just came on and she’s wailing ‘won’t you let me see beneath your windowsill…’ like a dying goat being sat on by a beached whale. I mean, those aren’t even the right lyrics. Not even close. What would Labrinth be trying to see underneath Emeli Sande’s windowsill? Actually, I’d prefer not to know. JJ is trying to be polite by concealing her laughter, but she laughs really loudly and starts shaking violently. Still, she’s trying her best (although if I am honest, her best isn’t exactly good enough under these circumstances).
Oh God. JJ couldn’t hide it any longer and snorted really loudly. Mum asked if she was okay, to which she replied ‘yes Mrs Lewis, I’m fine, I just remembered something that made me laugh, that’s all.’
Uh oh. JJ is laugh-crying now. I can’t breathe, this is just getting too funny.
Thank the Lord! Mum pulled up to the curb outside of the hairdresser’s in the High Street, JJ is sprinting towards the building so Mum won’t see her laughing. Oh wait, no, she’s slowing down…what’s going on?
It turns out there was a guy that I think JJ likes waiting just inside the salon. Tall, blonde hair, brown eyes, athletic build…I can tell JJ likes him from the fact she is practically drooling over him. I nudged her and whispered ‘shut your mouth, JJ, you’re letting the flies in’. She whacked me.
JJ’s hairdresser came out and explained that the guy is her nephew, Lukaz. Her brother-in-law is German, hence the name. It’s slightly awkward though because none of us know German (actually, that’s a lie, me and JJ learn it at school but we spend most of our lessons discussing how many fit people we know or how many members of our favourite boybands are single) so Lukaz is stood there looking good and listening to music while JJ is just staring at him. I cannot believe she’s being so obvious. Then again, this is coming from me, the girl that stared at her Future Husband from a window, spied on him with binoculars then babbled like an idiot when she finally met him. But let’s not mention that…
Ooh, what’s this? JJ has started making polite conversation with Lukaz in German! I didn’t know she pays attention in lessons!
Ah. It appears she only knows the basics. I couldn’t really follow the conversation because, unlike JJ, I don’t listen in lessons (which would explain why the highlight of my Winter Term report was a D) but I think it went something like ‘hello, how are you Lukaz?’ ‘You speak German?!’ ‘I love you’ ‘I know’. Maybe. Probably not. Anyway, after a couple of minutes she ran out of things to say, so he said a bunch of stuff which she didn’t understand while she just sat there and nodded, then he eventually trailed off when he realised she couldn’t understand him anymore.
JJ has hope! Once her hairdresser had finished doing her hair, she paid with the money her mum gave her and as we were leaving to go Lukaz smiled at her and said ‘you nice look hair, colour is good, pulls out eyes’. I think it was intended as a compliment, like ‘your hair looks nice, the colour is good, it brings out your eyes’ but it sounded slightly scary. JJ just blushed and smiled. When we got outside I said ‘wow, you acted so cool’ really sarcastically. She just glared at me and said ‘Can I call you Andy?’ Damn it, I forgot she reads this. That was a fluke, she wasn’t supposed to know. It’s not like I was expecting her to take an interest in my blog, she’s never interested in my life normally unless there is someone fit involved. Which there never is. Well, until yesterday when I met my Future Husband.
We’re wandering up and down the High Street now, I think we’re going to the chippy to vent about our Future Husbands. It is official, JJ likes Lukaz. To be honest with you, he scared me slightly. I mean, that last comment about her hair colour pulling her eyes out? I just…nope. It was too scary. However, I must support her in this decision if I want her to support my marriage to Drew from next door.
Oh my God. I am such an idiot. I must have sounded like a complete and utter freak. We went into the chippy and JJ was going on about how gorgeous Lukaz is in her opinion, so then I said ‘okay, well you can come to my wedding when I marry Drew if I am invited to your wedding with Lukaz’ which caused her to start shaking her head maniacally. I thought a fly was buzzing around her or something, but then I heard someone say ‘did someone say my name?’ and I turned around and Drew was standing there. The Fit One. Temporarily Bob. Staring. At. Me. I couldn’t think of anything to say so I just mumbled ‘mrerrrh’. Luckily, I had JJ there and she said ‘sorry, I don’t think we’ve met?’ and then I introduced them and she said ‘oh, yeah, we were just talking about The Midnight Beast. We have this inside joke about Dru, but Ash has always been Maci’s favourite.’
JJ is a genius. I am taking back every bad thing I have ever said about her (such as the other day when I posted about her being an idiot for changing her birthday. But that was pretty stupid) because she has helped me massively. After she explained the whole Drew/Dru thing, Drew started talking to us about The Midnight Beast. He said he’s been to one of their signings and next time we should go with him! So basically, JJ is responsible for the first conversation I have had with my Future Husband and possibly the first time I meet Ashley Neil Horne. Unfortunately, the conversation with Drew ended after ten minutes because a) mine and JJ’s chips were ready b) his mum phoned and said she has to go out in a bit and needs him to come home to look after Noah and c) the chip man had to take his order. Not that it matters because I spoke to him! Even if it was only for ten minutes and JJ was talking to him too, I spoke to him! So happy!
He smiled. And waved. As we were leaving he smiled and waved. This may be the best day of my life so far! Well, other than the day I was born because without that, this day would not have happened. Actually, the day I was born is probably the most important day of my life – I can’t really say it was the best day because I can’t remember it. For all I know it was actually a really rubbish day because Mum says I was born on a Wednesday and that’s one of my least favourite days because I have physics and double maths on Wednesdays for the second year in a row. That reminds me, I have school next week. Stuck in an ‘educational’ prison for seven hours a day. Early mornings. Homework. Teachers. On the upside, Drew starts on Monday and asked if I could help him out if he gets lost. On the other hand: Prison. Homework. Teachers. Aaaaand we’re back to square one which is that I don’t like school. Or Wednesdays.